"there s never too skinny, but always fat."

was surfing there my old blog and i found this poem i realllllyyyy liked.

there s someone special in my life
who doesnt seem know i care
i wish i could let her know it
but let it show, i wouldnt dare.

i dont want to even risk it
i dont want to even try
for if she knew i felt this way
i d be insecure and shy.

i never thought id feel this way
i never thought id care
there s something in that smile of hers
that makes me stop and stare.

id keep my feelings hidden for now
and save them for another day.

it was taken from a book if im not wrong. alvina is such a ripper! and i found this old photoalbum! can you all tell me whether i look better last time or now!? (:
here.
another one.

been reading my old blog as you all have realised.
and i guess im still as vulgar us before or even worse now.
i club.
i smoke.
i go crazy really easily like screaming shouting jumping.
i flirt more.
my english deproved.

om TIAN! LOL. its damn bad now. i dont even write bout issues like how i used to! haha. and i also realised that my blog now has so much haha hee and lol! tsk. i used to be such an angry and defensive person but now im so laid back. how people change! a lot of people brought out that change in me and sometimes i cant help but wonder what it would be like if things that happen didnt. would i still be the same alvina i was 2 years ago. the one that could stand up for her rights or anyone else s right. oh man. i wish i was like that but that fire in me apparently has been blown out! is that what you call maturity? with age comes .. ?
anger did a lot of bad things to me. is that why i m trying to avoid being angry that much? i dont know.

i led a double life last time. and i just noticed. i think im doing it now again. like how when we are together, i pretend that no one else exist. but when we are apart. i have to pretend you dont exist and that the whole world does.

and there! i finished all 282 posts of my other diary! oh lord! so many things have certainly changed. and all the flings i had, all the spam i got. haha. its nice la. looking back and thinking and reflecting. life before jane was blissful, angry but occupied with mostly friends. and with jane, there was sweetness never felt. i shall continue tmr with my new blog and we d see what my "reflection" would be. (:

working is still boring. although i finally have 1 project on hand. the report is very detailed! and i have to read through like a few times to really grasp the meaning of the report. but still really cool! i think my duties here are just emailing people and having lunch and probably socialising or something. lol.

mama was nice. she sprung on a surprise visit and brought me shopping during my lunch break! (:
got a dress a skirt and a pair of pants! hee hee. i think id go for more shopping trips next week! yayyness! mama is suddenly loveeeee!
they are going to msia this sat and i cant go because of sitel work! )))):

alvina
sex is just a fucking cool (amazing according to kristle daddy) alternative.
haha kelly has always been that cool anyway!
baby boy, when can i be in your arms?
hm.
i wish all your girls didnt appear.
and i shall deranged my temper.

happy and ignorant. rather than being informed and miserable.